Play Time

i have left exhaustion behind and all that lingers now is this dirty haired, caffeine injected cigarrette smoking shell

i just want to be still

to sleep

and be in the quiet, just close my eyes and let the quiet in

hard now

to NOT want to just sleep for days and write and smoke
and sleep

it is hard now

to think

beyond my next fix waiting for me in the corners to come out and play

it is hard now

to move
to eat
to love
to feel
it all slips away

leaving the swollen eyed girl that can't cry

this is the hard part to move and be beyond just a few fragmented words that mean

nothing

beyond the shell of my own head

to leave this place and do more than just sit with you and type and drink and forget to eat

and forget to love my husband
and loose my children

to not want it

to not let it completely swallow me

to not stroke the keys and loose it all here
give of it freely ..... to you

the price to pay is to high
the need
to high
the longing to much